In the Name of Allah, most
Compassionate, most Merciful
Becoming Muslim
Yusuf Muhammad
Ansari
Assalaamu'alaikum! I am posting this story on behalf of
a brother who is now serving his term in a prison in Scotland
and hence has no access to the internet. He is a brother who
takes his belief very seriously and looks forward to
correspond with other brothers and sisters for discussions,
exchange opinions and ideas. I hope this story would attract
attention of visitors of your web site to befriend this
sincere brother.
- Jamaludin Yaakob
MY JOURNEY TO ISLAM
In September 4 1993 I began a journey that was a childhood
dream. I left my home city of Aberdeen, Scotland at 4.10 p.m.
with the intention of driving my camper van all the way to Goa,
India, and back. Before I undertook this journey I spent a lot
of time reading on the countries, customs, peoples and religions
which at the very least could give me a basic understanding of
the how I should re-act when arriving upon each place.
Although the diversity of the peoples was a task to take on
board, it was the diversity of religions that stuck most in my
mind. There seemed to be for me an excitement about Islamic
countries, which kept coming to my thought.
The journey went well with the exception of a few mechanical
problems throughout Eastern Europe. The first Islamic country I
was to reach was Turkey. Although I had been there before, I had
never been to Istanbul.
I was tired and needed rest. As one would do, I left my
camper in a campsite and spent the next three weeks ad-hoc
travelling through the centre of the city to see the sites. On
what was to be my last day in Istanbul I visited the Blue Mosque
and the Pink Mosque [probably the Aya Sofia -MSA-USC.].
This, my brothers and sisters, was to be my introduction to the
one and true religion of Al-Islam. It was a Friday, and as I
recall during 'Asr prayer no one (from the tourists) was allowed
in the Pink Mosque. Due to my inquisitiveness I got firstly lost
inside the mosque and secondly found myself locked in standing
at the back watching the wonderful event of 'Asr prayer
unfolding before my eyes. I feel I can never quite express
clearly what happened next except to say that I felt drawn, numb
and very hot all at the same time. Unwittingly I remembered
thinking that this was really for me without questioning why or
what this religion was all about. I knew the basic belief was
that there was only one God. I believed that all my life anyway.
The prayer had finished and all were on their way out. A brother
approached me. I felt embarrassed as I apologised for being
there when I should not. He smiled and assured me that it was
all right.
After leaving the mosque, I went on a walk about heading
towards the harbour area. I was standing looking in a window
when I felt a presence behind me. I turned around to see the
same man I met in the mosque; again he smiled. He told me to
wait a moment as he went downstairs in the shop. When he
appeared again a few moments later, he handed me a plastic bag
and said "Is this what you have been looking for brother?" As I
looked in the bag there was a translation of the Holy Qur'an in
English. This was when an amazing thing happened. I looked up to
thank him but he was gone. The strange thing was that there was
no side road, alley or lane for him to simply disappear. Until
this day I have never figured out where he had gone.
The journey re-commenced the next day, heading towards
Eastern Turkey. I began to read the Qur'an in the evening and
felt drawn to visit mosques route. Every time I met Muslim
people they were forever inviting me to their homes for meals,
etc. Their politeness and good character was what I have
encountered before. My head was full of emptiness waiting to be
filled with knowledge and I constantly asked questions about
Islam. I somehow felt that I had found something that was always
there but did not know how to find it and what it was.
Iran was to be the same. The more I travelled the more I felt
drawn to the mosques and the company of the people. There was
something distinctive about how the people were. At first I
couldn't put my finger on it. I came from the West where I had
been nurtured into a set of beliefs, values and attitude. The
attitude seemed hard to shake off. The attitude that I matter, I
am indispensable, I will stand on who I need to, so I may get to
the top. Who is God? Does it matter? Money and prestige is more
important, is it not? I felt a constant battle as I came from
there, but I somehow felt I belonged here.
All the way through Iran I never felt intimidated, in fact,
quite the opposite. If I had taken all the many offers of meals,
accommodation, etc., I fear that I would still be there, and I
would have gotten into trouble with the authorities. My visa was
for one week only.
The next country was Pakistan. Here was where things got even
better. The people were quite at ease and seemed happy to answer
my non-stop questions on Islam. I visited more mosques. I was in
more houses in Pakistan than I had probably ever been at home.
Another thing that I have always believed in before embracing
Islam was pre-destination. Others may call it fate. This had led
me to the next encounter of life with the Muslim people. My
windscreen had broken and I ended up searching Quetta for a new
one. I was directed to Tradesmen Street. There was where I met
Muhammad, a motor body repairer. He kindly let me stay in his
lock-up yard for five days until he could locate a windscreen.
Everyday without fail he I ate at his house or he brought me
food. He took me to meet the headmasters of both a public and a
private school. He refused point blank that I should put my hand
in my pocket to buy anything. He told me stories of the Prophet
(p.b.u.h.) and other Islamic issues. At times I found it
difficult to contain my emotions. I could not believe the
hospitality I was receiving.
One occasion sticks in my mind which left me in tears and
astounded. I was in Muhammad's house for lunch. There was his
family there including around thirteen children. While I taught
them a Scottish nursery rhyme Muhammad videotaped us together.
Within minute the children who spoke no English, mastered it.
When I was entering my van I heard some commotion at the end of
the street. There, there were around one hundred children
running towards me singing the Scottish nursery rhyme. I was
surrounded as the tears ran from my cheeks with joy. It was so
beautiful. Here was a stranger in a strange land and they wanted
nothing from me except just to stay a little bit longer. I had
to go. The following day I visited the local mosque and said my
good bye with regret.
On the road to the Pakistani/Indian border I continued to
read the Qur'an and still question why these people were being
so nice to me but wanted nothing in return. Strange indeed.
As I said before, I was coming from the West where, in the
material sense, they have everything. There was me travelling
through a land with a house on wheels while around me so many
people were living in squalor. If you have never had nothing you
do not know what it's like, or, from my point of view, I had
never experienced nothing.
My next encounter showed me the simplicity of man in relation
to our Creator, Allah (s.w.t.). As I drove the Sind region in
the desert I began to become anxious to find a place off the
road to park for the evening. Suddenly I came upon a simple
house of clay in the middle of nowhere. I approached the house
and knocked on the door. An old man answered. I said "Assalaam
Alaikom", he replied in kind. I asked if it was ok to park for
the night? He spoke no English but acknowledged what I meant.
He invited me for tea. Immediately I became consciously aware
of the simplicity of his dwelling. There was nothing which did
not have a use, and everything was to a bare minimum. As I
recalled the items, there was a staff carpet, a copy of
al-Qur'an, a pot and a water skin. We sat on the carpet and
drank tea. As he moved to the window, he left without warning
with the water skin and a mat in hand. After a good five minutes
had passed, I went outside. What I saw next I could only
describe as 'the day the world stopped.' As the sun dropped out
of the sky below the horizon, there was complete silence. The
man in front of me dropped to his knees in total obedient
worship to our Creator, a memory that lasts with me until this
day.
I made it to India, visited more mosques and made it all the
way back unscathed. I thought the people back home had changed,
they had not, but I had.
It is so easy to allow yourself to be consumed by the method
rather than being the method. Please allow me to elaborate.
While in the East, I had accommodation, money and for once in my
life, simplicity, empathy and understanding. It is not that I
don't have them now. It's simply a different game with different
rules and players. I tend to call it the reverse process. In
simple terms, to the wonderful creations in the East, God is the
important factor. It was to be my downfall back here in the
West, trading god for money, or you may call it materialism. It
seems easy to say now but for me anything with the word 'ISM'
attached should be avoided at all costs.
No! I still had not embraced Islam. Although conscious of
what I had learned, I put it on the back burner. The quest for
me, which seemed more important, was accommodation, job, flat,
and car. All of these don't grow on trees and, really how money
becomes available never really mattered. I couldn't find a
proper job. My wife who had been my constant travelling partner
became just as disillusioned as I did. We had only been married
a short time and even getting married to each other was ever
shorter on three and a half-month. We couldn't get work; we were
tired of travel and extremely tired of each other.
As things got progressively worse as we could not find work
or accommodation, things were getting desperate. My wife found
an advertisement in the local paper asking for a sauna
receptionist. In our naivete we both believed that a Sauna was
in fact a Sauna. At the same time she got the job, I got offered
some work dealing and running drugs. The sauna turned out to be
a front for prostitution and it was not long before my wife
decided to swap answering the telephone for the red light. We
both loved the money, we both became drugs users and all seemed
fantastic.
This was to be short lived. It tore us apart. We were in a
web where there seemed no way out. On the one hand we needed the
money to feed our cocaine habit. On the other hand, I got sick
of drugs, money, prostitution, in fact, everything. We kept the
company of like-minded characters that helped feed the desire
for self-gratification. I tried so hard to get off the drugs. In
the mean time I tried to get my wife off the prostitution. She
seemed by now to love the money more than me. I would sit for
many hours staring at this accumulating amount of money before
my eyes with total disdain. Little did I realise that all was
about to change - first for the worst.
Two weeks before 15 April 1996 two things happened
simultaneously. The first thing happened after an encounter to
the library. I took a book out on loan called "The Basics of
Islam". Inside I found what one says when taking the Shahadah. I
was lonely, desperate and searching for the right way. I had no
one in this strange city to witness me taking the Shahadah. I
therefore had no choice. I took my Shahadah bearing witness to
Allah (s.w.t.) four times. I took the piles of money and put it
in a jack in a cupboard. I flushed the remaining drugs in the
toilet. I felt alive for the first time in a long time, although
short lived.
My wife who had become a stranger to me arrived back that
evening. I told her of the day's events. This was to be the
final acclaim. We spoke little over the next two weeks. I had my
plan set that I was going back east. In all this confusion we
both plotted a terrible crime and the end result would be we
would go together east. Everybody says I am innocent. I was set
up, etc. etc. I am not going to say this at all: I am guilty of
committing a horrible crime and the consequence of my action has
led me serving a life sentence. My wife? She got off and now we
are divorced, thank God!
I have now served three years of my sentence and expect to
serve a further seven or eight years. You may well remember
earlier that I said everything is pre-ordained. I have
questioned on many occasions as to how did I end up here. The
story says it all. Nevertheless, brothers and sisters,
everything has a reason. One might ask what have you done with
your time in prison? What is the future of your life? What are
your hopes, dreams and aspirations?
Well, I think it goes like this. No man can run riot through
the land without taking responsibility for his actions and I
feel it is better to be punished in this life than in the
hereafter.
When I first came to prison I was in Soughton Jail,
Edinburgh. After being processed where all details were asked
for, one of the questions was what religion are you? I replied
Islam. I was immediately given a Muslim diet and allowed to go
to the Muslim meetings where brothers from outside came to the
prison fortnightly. I recalled the first meeting as I walked
into the room I held my head in shame. I couldn't stop saying
why did I do that. I wept as the brothers gave me support. I by
my actions created not just one victim but so many. My victim's
family, friends, work associates, etc. have all been affected by
my thoughtless actions. I have seen my father turned grey, my
mother on anti-depression tablets and my brother too.
I will probably never ever know the real impact of my crime
upon my victim, nor do I ever expect forgiveness. I am deeply
sorry and ashamed of my actions.
One of the brothers in Edinburgh said to me 'you can't change
the past, you can only hope to attain to be a better person in
the future.' I took my Shahadah again that evening this time in
front of witnesses.
The easy part, which may seem the hardest part, is getting
accustomed to nothingness and solitude. That is one thing prison
does for a man. It gives you time, plenty of it, to think. My
first reaction was to think of what I had lost; not only family,
friends, my respect and all of that "ISM' materialism.
Soon I lost the need for materialism. As I sit here now in
the concrete tomb, I exchange my coat of materialism for
spiritualism. I have embraced Islam fully, slowly, but surely. I
am building up a new set of moral and ethical values. I pray
five times daily as prescribed in Islam and beg Allah (s.w.t.)
for forgiveness.
What have I done with my time you may ask? I have undertaken
a home study course in Islamic Studies which consists of twenty
booklets on various Islamic subjects, which on completion leads
to five O' grades or GCSES. I have undertaken the first year of
a degree course in Arabic and Islamic Studies. I read the Qur'an
and the Ahadeeth of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) daily. I get
immeasurable support from regular visits from the brothers from
the Aberdeen Mosque. Why all these you may ask? Well, I believe
in Allah (s.w.t.), I believe that good can overrule bad and only
through the straight path of Islam can this be achieved.
I want to be an asset to society when I eventually leave the
prison, inshaallah. I hope that I may have obtained my degree in
Arabic and Islamic Studies by then so as I may undertake da'awah
work and hopefully get a job teaching Islamic subjects.
My short-term objective is that I may be able to obtain some
correspondence with Muslims world wide in the hope that I may be
able to give support and hopefully receive some too.
May Allah (s.w.t.) grant you all success in this life and in
the life Hereafter, Ameen.
My short resume:
Name : Yusuf Muhammad Ansari
Age : 38
Height : 5' 7"
Weight : 11.7 stone
Appearance : Round face, beard, short hair
Current Status : Life sentence prison
Qualifications : English GCSE, Information Technology 1 + 2,
Word Processing, Maths, 5 GCSE Islamic Studies,
currently undertaking Degree course in Arabic
and Islamic Studies.
Nationality : British
Caucasian : White
Marital Status : Divorced
Children : 1 daughter (no access or visiting right)
Previous
Employment : Oil rigs offshore (6 & 1/2 years)
: Helicopter landing officer
: Derrickman
: Self employed house restorer (5 years)
Sincerely yours
Yusuf Muhammad Ansari
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